By Adesida Adewumi
I have Mrs. Victoria’ s permission ( real name withheld) to share her labour room story with you. It was an interesting one. Before I start, let me say a little prayer for all pregnant women worldwide, you will deliver safely by the grace and power of Almighty God. Amen.
You are the real heroines of our homes and backbone of the families worldwide.
The sacrifice of carrying those little lives and the excruciating pain at the point of delivering them are the highest price any woman can pay.
I equally dedicate this piece to those millions of women in developing world especially in Africa who paid the supreme price for giving birth to life either due to primary delay at home or secondary delay at health facilities or due to none existing good health facilities or manpower. May your beautiful souls continue to rest from the untold pang and pain you went through. Amen
To the story of the day, I registered Mrs Victoria for her first antenatal care after three years of infertility. She has never been pregnant before. A 27 years old first-timer. She got married early at 24 years old but had primary infertility (primary infertility is when you cannot get pregnant after one year of unprotected regular intercourse and you have never been pregnant before).
So this pregnancy was a big blessing. She was so excited that she came for booking promptly after confirming the pregnancy with urine pregnancy test (PT) at home.
You don’t want to know how many Pregnancy Test strips that had gone down the drain in the last three years. You don’t want to hear the story of looking for that second line every month. That second line that never showed for three years. That second line that was searched for with broken hearts and tears before it finally showed that fateful morning.
The tale of infertility story of Mrs Victoria is a story for another day. If I have her permission you may get to sip it someday.
As for today, we will focus on her labour room experience . She did all her investigations promptly after registration and received all her anti-tetanus injections, anti-malaria prevention drugs, and took all her blood drugs. I particularly took interest in Mrs Victoria for two reasons. One, her three years ordeal looking for this precious gift of life.
Two, she had this funny and exciting extrovert, sanguine personality. My relationship with her and her husband had become “envy” of others in the antenatal clinic..lol.
You will not blame me for my attachment to the young family If you were in my shoes as their family physician, being there with them through those sighs and sorrows of three years.
One thing again you couldn’t take away from Mr Wale (Mrs Victoria’s husband, not real name) was following his wife to almost every antenatal care clinic. He would take permission at work to escort her to almost every antenatal care clinic. He did the same thing when they were looking for the pregnancy too. I was really impressed with that. It was not common with many men.
So, in one of the antenatal care clinics close to Mrs Victoria’s delivery, she and her husband made a special request from me, though the husband was a little bit reluctant about the request.
What was the request?
Mrs Victoria asked for a favour that she wouldn’t want any male health worker to attend to her during her labour, only female health workers, because she had sworn after her wedding that only her husband would ever see her nakedness till she would die. I laughed.
She asked me why and I asked her back ‘are you sure about this your request Mrs Victoria?’. She answered in the affirmative and said she was100 % sure. It was a vow she had made to God.
I laughed again, and explained the many implications of that request to her. She would not budge, so I accepted and rested my case.
I told her “until then”.
She equally begged me to be around in the hospital but I would not be involved too because I am a male doctor. I equally concured to that too with another big smile, afterall I was trained to respect my patients choices once they are capable adults and I have explained every implication to them.
Fast forwarded. The D-day arrived.
It was around 7 pm in the evening, I saw Mr Wale’s call and picked it up promptly. My guess was right, Mrs Victoria had fallen into labour. I could hear her cry at the background.
I told them to bring her to the hospital immediately. Fortunately and coincidentally, I was the doctor on call overnight. So everything was working together for good for Mrs Victoria, her husband and her vow and requests .
When they arrived, I handed the orders and requests of Mrs Victoria down to all the midwives and I requested that all male nurses should not be involved in her labour. Fortunately for us again that day, all the nurses on duty in the department, were females.
As if Heaven listened to Madam Victoria the day she was making those two requests. I asked them to check her and feed me back. She had entered 5 cm cervical dilatation. Even though I told them during antenatal care clinics that they should promptly report at the sign of any labour sign because of the preciousness of the baby, Mr Wale said his wife said she didn’t want even the women nurses checking her too frequently hence the delay in calling me.
The active labour stage had started and no complications so far. Thank God mother and baby were stable. The pain of the contractions had started increasing intensely. I asked the midwives to please monitor her well I would be inside my consulting room.
After about five hours (around midnight), the husband rushed to call me, panicking, knocking and banging my door that the wife was calling me. I was a little bit scared. Hope there was no problem? I followed him promptly. He said I should enter the labour room and see her. I insisted I wouldn’t enter until I was sure his was not naked. I had an order from her she would not like any male to see her naked.
As I was having this conversation with the husband at the labour room door, she could hear us.
She shouted from inside with a high and piercing voice, “Doctor, forget about any useless agreement o o o o o o.
I laughed a little and asked her, “Are you sure Madam Victoria? Are you properly covered? I should come in?”
‘Come in o doc…torrrrrrrrrrrr, she wailed at the top of her voice.
Doctor, please, go in,” her husband boomed beside me.
I went in. I met Madam Victoria naked, sitting on the floor, crying profusely in pain. I quickly rushed to her bed and picked her wrapper to cover her.
She exploded: “Doctor, I will bite you if you don’t take that useless clothe away from me”.
I deliberately appealed the more to cover her up.
“Dr. Ade, you think I am joking with you I will bite you if you bring any clothe close to me. I am okay like this o o o.
So I asked her what she was calling me for. She said I should come and help her to be rubbing her back. I laughed so much my tummy ached.
From no male health worker request to seeing your nakedness, too, I should come and rub your back now?”. I jokingly reminded her. I am still a male doctor o, Madam Victoria. I think I will recommend your husband for this task of back rubbing” I appealed.
She said she didn’t want to see her husband again.
I didn’t know why I could not just help laughing that day. It was very unlike me. May be the dramatic, sanguine personality of Madam Victoria was cracking me up so much.
I said okay I would ask one of the female nurses to do that for her. She said no.
“It is you I want to do it,” she insisted.
“Only me?”. I laughed so much.
“Nadam Victoria, you seemed to be breaking all your vows to God o”.
She shouted in pain, ” Dr. Ade rub my back, the pain has come again ooooooooo”.
I looked at the husband where he was standing at the Labour Room door.
“Did you hear what your wife said? I should come and be rubbing her back. What her husband said finally burst my tummy with thundering laughter.
Almost in tears, he said, “Please help me rub her back Dr., I will buy you a recharge card. Dr , please”.
To this day, whenever I remember this scene, I laugh until my tummy will hurts.
Eventually from being a doctor, I became a masseur.
In fact I picked a chair, sat down and started rubbing her back at every contraction.
Fast forwarded, Madam Victoria was checked later by me, the male doctor. She was now 9cm.
At this point,she started holding my lovely new shirt at every contraction. She would say, “Dr. Ade, I want to poopoo o o o”.
Before I knew it one button had dropped from my shirt. More buttons dropping at every contraction.
We eventually entered the delivery room after a while. She became fully dilated then she made another request. I must be the one to deliver her. I reminded her “I am a male doctor still, Madam Victoria. Have you forgotten?.”
As I was still gisting and joking with her to distract her from the pain, she held my shirt tightly again, shouting “the pain has come again o o o. I want to poo”
She was not even listening to me again at this juncture.
Eventually, I conducted the delivery. At around 3 a.m in the morning, our long awaited precious bouncing baby boy came out. Placenta followed quickly. She had a little tear which I sewed.
She had no bleeding after delivery. She looked at me after the whole pain was over and said ” thank you Dr. Ade, I am sorry to tear your shirt, my husband will buy you a new one. I never knew this was why you were laughing at me that day I made those requests.”
I laughingly replied her that it was not only my fine shirt your husband would buy back o,he would buy me my recharge card for being a back rubber.
Fast forwarded, Mrs Victoria was discharged two days after. I attended their naming ceremony on 8th day as their family doctor because I was specially invited.
Mother and baby bonding well with good exclusive breastfeeding established. The baby boy was named PRAISE. As I left the naming ceremony venue that day, on my way home, many lessons from madam Victoria’s infertility, pregnancy, labour and delivery story played around in my mind.
Number one lesson was that those first three years of tears, sighs and sorrows of looking for that second line on the PT. Women go through a lot physically, psychologically, spiritually and socially just to get pregnant. My respect to our mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins and nieces. I pray many of you will never witness the ordeal of looking for the fruit of the womb. Any family going through this, I pray for speedy solace. Amen
Second lesson is the sacrifice of those nine months of carrying that little life. The sacrifice of vomiting and not eating in the first three months. Some will even be admitted due to excessive vomitting of the early pregnancy. Work and religion activities suspended for weeks. As the pregnancy advances, their chest becomes crowded, not able to breathe, to sleep, or sleeping on one side, urinating frequently. Not to talk about swallowing those antenatal care multivitamins daily for nine months. How much of your sacrifices will I count our heroines? Thank you for giving your bodies, souls and spirits in exchange to the little lives you carry. Some women do this over and over again.
Many women never recover from the stretch marks and dark skin of pregnancies. Some start walking like ducks before delivery. Many body parts will never return to their pre-pregnancy state again. Your sacrifices are intense and immense. On behalf of every responsible man like Mr Wale and all the children like Praise, I say we are eternally grateful and full of praises for you for those little lives you carry for the family.
Third lesson was the labour pain. I will tag labour pain temporary insanity. Those 12-19 hours of temporary insanity are the worst of any woman’s life. It is only a labour pain that will make a sane woman throw away her privacy and tell a completely different man, ‘I am okay being naked and lying on the floor.’
Only labour pain will make a woman beg a completely different man that is not her husband to be rubbing her back. Only labour pain will make a lovely wonderful personality like Mrs Victoria tear my shirt without a second thought. Kudos to the life carriers and givers, your sacrifices in the labour rooms at home and hospitals (some even deliver inside cars) all over the world can only be repaid back by God.
We, your husbands, can only and will forever imagine those pains. we will never be able to understand the depth and height fully.
Lastly, I will like to thank responsible men like Mr Wale for his love and commitment to his loving wife, Mrs Victoria. As a family physician who is close to families, I can’t but appreciate this wonderful man who will follow his wife to preconception clinic, antenatal care clinics and labour room.
In all their days of looking for the fruit of the womb he never faltered, always there for his wife. God bless men like you. Without men like you, the already difficult journey of infertility, pregnancy, labour, and delivery may be more harrowing for our wonderful women. Thank you. As I close this piece, I want to tell you I donate my torn beautiful new shirt and “recharge card ” to the course of the ultimate sacrifice, don’t bother buying them back again.
▪ Dr, Adesida Adewumi is with the Department of Family Medicine, Aminu Kano Teaching Hospital (AKTH), Kano, Nigeria