By Patrick Anyanwu
Welcome to an exploration of the delicate balance between a healthy marriage and the allure of external beauty. King Solomon’s age-old reflection regarding a man’s interactions with a woman finds relevance in the challenges faced by married men today. Adultery remains a common cause of divorce, with 20% attributed to husbands’ unfaithfulness. This statistic underscores the pressing need for married men to control their sexuality to preserve their marriages.
In romantic gestures, husbands often declare their wives as the most beautiful in the universe; the prime embodiment of feminine beauty. While this sentiment is crucial for maintaining a healthy romance in a marriage, it should be seen as an exclusive heartfelt expression among lovers rather than an absolute truth. Well, you know better than to tell that to your wife. Nonetheless, men sometimes idealize their wives to the point of believing they are the only ones who can entice them. Shockingly, 25% of married men commit adultery, revealing the stark gap between this idealization and reality. Acknowledging the feminine figure’s natural beauty irrespective of who it is, when ignored, contributes to the origin of the issue.
Adultery often arises due to a lack of honesty and self-awareness. I told myself early in my marriage that nothing bad would happen to me, even if I were in a room full of naked women or if I watched pornographic material. That was naivety raised to power 10. The very careless nativity that lands most married men in trouble. Such recklessness is what breeds the elephant in the room—pornographic addiction, a scourge even among religious leaders. The “Me Too” movements are as rampant as they are because a guy was naïve about what could happen, or was well aware, but had a reckless conceited belief in his ability to exercise self-control. Risky and ineffective boundary management. Another scandal and heartbreak because a man ignored the seductive power of the woman in the lift with him, or pretended she did not count. As married men, we must acknowledge that women are anatomically and biologically designed to attract men. The man who ignores this fact or pretends it is nonconsequential risks turning himself into a rat in a pen of hungry street cats. Apostle Paul’s simple warning: “Flee!”
Acknowledging that other women are attractive and can entice me, doesn’t diminish my love and devotion to my wife; on the contrary, it serves as a reminder for me to be vigilant. It positions me to treat my secretary, my co-worker, my next-door neighbor, the vulnerable lady who is ready to give anything to have a problem sorted, and indeed any other lady within my immediate space, with the courtesy and respect they deserve. Interestingly, and often, the woman that the man is lusting after is not necessarily more beautiful than the man’s wife. Therefore, it is not really about a particular woman’s beauty as much as it is that the specie called woman, however, she is shaped, attracts the man. Period! A thoughtful man therefore humbly acknowledges that one can easily join the 25% statistic. Responsible behavior involves setting clear boundaries for my heart and my eyes and implementing safeguards. Telling myself the truth that I cannot scoop smoldering coals into my laps or eyes for that matter, and expect not to be burnt. In addition to guarding my eyes and living responsibly, I must foster open communication with my wife, and work at staying satisfied with her. You are less likely to desire a snack if you leave home feeling full. Controlling one’s sexuality involves developing awareness, communication, and conscious fidelity.
In summary, managing sexuality in marriage goes beyond moderation, requiring profound self-awareness and responsible behavior. As married men, we can navigate challenges by appreciating beauty while reaffirming our commitment to our wives. No need for beauty pageants; your wife is the best choice for you! Together, let’s avoid the beauty minefield and cultivate lasting love in our marriages. In doing so, we set out on a path of intentional fidelity and admiration of our wives, cherishing the unique beauty each of us has within the commitment of our marriages.
I appreciate that this is just a part of the discussion. But then, it is not yet a discussion if we have not heard from you. So, do send in your comments. I would like to read your take on this and more as we get this conversation going.
● Anyanwu, a communication consultant and transformational coach lives in Lagos and sent this via WhatsApp.