By Adesida Adewumi, MD
With the kind permission of Mrs Omotola, I share her so that you can learn about the damage the society has done to marriage.
I was the doctor on duty that night. It was around 12 midnight when I heard a woman screaming from outside my consulting room “Doctor save my life o! Doctorrrr please save me”.
I rushed out from inside my consulting room to see what was happening. I saw a woman bleeding from her head and face and she was wearing her night gown. I was confused.
“Madam what is the problem? Were you attacked by armed robbers? Are they chasing you? Madam talk to me.”
“It is my husband doctor, he beat me”, she managed to answer as she rushed inside my consulting room.
“So where is your husband, Madam?
Before I could blink I saw the hefty looking ferociously angry, in tow. I greeted him. He didn’t answer me.
“Where is the harlot? Idiot, I will kill you and bury you with my bare hands. Harlot!”
All these were very confusing to me.
Eventually I was able to calm the man down while the wife was hiding inside my office. I appealed to the man to allow me save the life of the wife first because she was bleeding, which he did but as I was sowing the wound in the head and face of the woman, the man would occasionally throw insults at her and call her harlot! Idiot!
In my head I couldn’t wait to know the story of this couple that led to this situation. After I stopped the bleeding and the woman was stable. I kept her on a drip while I asked the husband to tell me all that happened.
The man started again in fury and started raining all manner of insults on the woman but two most prominent insults were those of harlot and idiot. I had to beg him to stop and tell me everything calmly.
Then he began: “Doctor, can you believe my wife was sending her naked pictures to a small boy in Lagos. A married woman!!!
“A mother of one!!!” He screamed further.
“Doctor, I saw it on her phone when she slept off on the chair in the sitting room while chatting with her boyfriend.”
I would not lie to you, after hearing this I was shocked.
The man continued, “Doctor, do you know I read it in their chat that my wife was even planing to travel to Lagos and meet the small boy so that they can have a date? I never knew I married an harlot”. My heart sank further hearing this. Really? I muttered to myself.
Well before I asked the woman to tell me her own side of the story, I asked for the man’s name because all the uproar did not even allow me to ask since. He said his name was Mr Kehinde… and I asked the wife what her name was she said Mrs Omotola (not the real name) .
“Sorry, madam. I don’t know if you are strong enough to tell me your own side of the story.”
The woman sat up and began: “Doctor, it is three years now I married this man (pointing at him). Since I married him, he has had an affair with at least seven women in the past. Even now as I speak he has nothing less than five girlfriends.”
I was aghast, and my mouth fell open.
“How are sure of all these Madam?” I asked in utter shock.
“Dr., I saw it on his phone. He sent his naked pictures to different women. In fact, doctor let me tell you some of the messages I saw on his phone. One lady was asking him if the last time they had sexual intimacy if he didn’t remove the condom? My husband replied no. Another lady asked him that he should send money for the abortion on time or else she would keep the baby. Another woman was telling him that her husband would be travelling by Saturday they could meet in their regular hotel. Doctor, the one that shocked me most was one lady in the choir in our church that my husband told me he was helping financially because the lady was fatherless and she gained admission to university, the message I read from that one was if he got her pregnant again, this time around she would keep the baby because he didn’t listen to simple instruction that he should use protection always. Then the lady went ahead to ask for #50,000. My husband promised her for her birthday. Doctor, do you know my husband sent her the money and this man you are seeing here has never given me #10,000 before for my birthday since we married him three years ago. In fact he forgot my last birthday. I can continue…..”
I said “it is okay, madam.”
But there was no stopping her,. She was in tears. “Doctor, do you know that my husband has slept with my best friend that was my chief bridesmaid in our wedding?.”
Now I had to find a seat.
“Doctor, my husband doesn’t come home until midnight or after since we got married. He spends all his time and money in clubs with small small girls despite being an elder in the church (church’s name withheld). Since I got married three years ago I could count the number of times my husband has touched me. Anytime I complained he would threaten me that he would divorce me if I disturbed him too much. I confronted him with all the things I saw on his phone, and guess what, doctor? He told me to leave the marriage if I was not okay with them. His grouse was that I touched his phone. That I didn’t have any right to touch his phone or read his messages as his wife.”
“Doctor, after I had done all I could to beg him to stop this reckless life before he would come home and infect me with HIV, and he didn’t listen, I reported him to his best friend but I later saw a message from his best friend advising him to change his password and be more careful with his phone with me. When his best friend wasn’t helping I told his family and also reported him to our pastor in church. Doctor, can you believe the advice his family and the pastor gave me? I should stop touching his phone.”
“Did you say his pastor in the church advised you to avoid his phone and let him continue? A pastor said that?” I queried unbelievably.
She continued “Doctor, I accept everything he accused me of. Doctor I was so lonely. It was in the process of my utter loneliness that the small boy he was referring to chatted me up on my Instagram handle and we became friends. I shared my frustrations and loneliness in my marriage with him from time to time and he usually consoled me.”
As she was saying this, Mr Kehinde cut in and dropped the bombshell: “DOCTOR, I AM A MAN. IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE IF A MAN HAS A WIFE AND GIRLFRIENDS BUT ANY WOMAN THAT HAS A HUSBAND AND STILL HAS A BOYFRIEND IS AN HARLOT “
“Did you hear what this shameless woman is saying? pointing to the wife, I am through with this marriage.”
I looked at this man and asked in shock, “Is this your response to all her accusations against you? I thought you would deny them and tell me they were not true.
“The accusations are true and that is my response. As a matter of fact, let her not try to come back to my house o because I will kill her. This one I beat her will be nothing compared to the beating I will give her.” He stormed out of my consulting room.
“He is not bluffing o, doctor. He will kill me o because he almost did if not for the neighbours that came to my rescue”.
So I asked her who we could call that she could temporarily stay with. She said their pastor. We called her pastor. He came to the hospital with his wife who testified to all the things Mrs Omotola said to be true. He confirmed that they had tried their best over the couple’s issue. They took her to their house and that was the last I heard about the case. This story you just read happened five years ago.
Fast Forward:
Two weeks ago, guess who I met in another state where I travelled to attend a wedding. It was Mrs. Omotola. I noticed one woman was calling me in the crowd I didn’t recognise her immediately until she came very close. Lo and behold, it was Mrs. Omotola looking young,fresh and much more beautiful than five years ago when I saw her last. She greeted me with a broad smile and introduced her new husband to me and introduced me to the new husband as the doctor that God used to rescue her from her ex-husband that wanted to kill her that night. The new husband thanked me profusely. Guess he had been briefed about the ex-husband saga. Then I asked for an update of what happened after that night.
According to her, the summary was that her former husband divorced her. She never went back to his house again. The pastor and his wife helped her to pack her things out of the house. From pastor’ s house back to her parents’ house. She was granted custody of her only son after the divorce. The son now stays with her mother. She met her new husband two years ago and they have been living happily to date. She has another child already for the new husband.
Then I asked her this question before saying good bye to her at the wedding. “Madam, you told me that night that your ex-husband was having all these girlfriends since you got married to him…. Okay, what about when you were dating and in courtship, was he having affairs with many girls then or he just suddenly changed after your wedding to him?
“Doctor he had many girlfriends then o but I was already 30 years old with so much pressure on me from my parents and friends to get married, I overlooked all those danger signs just to get married, by force by fire, because of pressure. Besides, he also promised me that he would change after our wedding but, doctor, I have learnt my lessons in a bitter way that people don’t change. If they can’t change when you are dating and in courtship with them, they will even be worse when they finally marry you. I just thank God for giving me a second chance in life.”
As I said my parting goodbye to her that day at the wedding, seven lessons were running through my mind. Below are the lessons:
Lesson Number 1:
This is to all young ladies reading this story. That a man says he is a Christian does not make him a Christian. Christianity is what you do, not just what you say
Lesson number 2:
Don’t ever ignore danger signs in a relationship and courtship. If a man who claims to be a Christian is womanising and beating you, that man is not a Christian. You know a Christian by his fruits
Lesson number 3:
Don’t allow desperation to get married, because you already attained the 30 years age limit society set for you push you into a lifetime of regret. It may even cost you your life.
Lesson number 4:
Society, please stop setting this useless double standard that a man is free to commit adultery in marriage, but it is a taboo for a woman to do the same. Only an irresponsible society encourages this.
Lesson number 5:
Women, take note of the kind of friends the man you want to settle down with has. Most likely that is who your husband is. Show me your friend ….
Lesson number 6:
Women, this is for you: be careful of social media in resolving your marriage problems. Be careful who you talk to on social media. Being in an abusive and adulterous marriage does not permit you to get involved in immorality with another man. If you can’t cope, get separated and uphold your honour.
Lesson number 7:
In as much as I will not support divorce in marriage, I will advise any woman who is going through the same thing in this story to separate from such irresponsible man and marriage because if he doesn’t kill you with sexually transmitted diseases, he will kill you through domestic violence!
▪︎ Dr. Adewumi is a Family Medicine Specialist, based in Kano. Follow him on Facebook at “FROM INSIDE MY CONSULTING ROOM “; his health page on YOUTUBE and INSTAGRAM @doctorhealtheducation; on Twitter @doctorhealthed1; and on WhatsApp at: +2348068649694. He gives daily education on health plus free daily consultation.